Stuck
Copenhagen, Denmark
December 15, 2009
Today is our first day of exile from the Bella Center, so we decided to return to the craze and spectacle of Klimaforum, on which I have written before. I would write on it again, but I have run out of words. I’m not in the Bella Center. I don’t even have internet access to follow what is happening there. I am in Copenhagen, in the middle of the most important environmental debate of my time, and my friends in Texas have better access to the things that are being decided.
I have been gone for almost two weeks now. My goal in coming here is now moot. So I feel stuck. I have outstayed my purpose, but I am still here. I am a decorative typewriter. I am the Prince of Denmark. As much as I love this place, as much as I love seeing new things and talking to new people, it is December 15th. It’s time to go home for Christmas, to sit in warm lamplight with the people I love, to hang ornaments on trees, to sleep in a quiet room under soft, clean-smelling covers. But here I am instead at Klimaforum, the “people’s climate event,” pretending I am doing something important. At least when I was at COP 15, it was easier to pretend.
I wish I could comment on what is going on in the talks, but I can’t. I don’t know when I will be able to upload this post. There are words to describe the speeches I’ve heard today. Insipid, inane, banal come to mind fairly easily. But I must say I am discouraged. I cannot approach the level of writing I am used to. Images and symbols choose not to reveal themselves to me Nothing speaks today. Things want to be written about, but they remain obstinately silent, glaring expectantly at me. All I can do is shrug in return, and tell them I’m sorry. Today is not the day.
Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow has to be better. Tomorrow I’ll be going to Kronborg Castle, the one-time home of Prince Hamlet. I’ll be going to the Louisiana, one of the finest modern art museums in Europe. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll lose the sense of unfulfilled obligation, of unchannelable urgency. The feeling that there is something important that I should be doing. Maybe I’ll stop tapping my foot and glancing around, maybe I’ll be able to sit comfortably in my chair. One can only hope.
I want to be philosophical but I’m out of thoughts. I want to be literary but I’m out of words. I want to do something important but I’m out of time. If I were working at the conference, I wouldn’t miss home. If I were at home, I wouldn’t miss the conference. But stuck in between, I want everything and have nothing. On Thursday, I go back to COP 15 for a few hours. On Friday, I leave Copenhagen. But until then, I’m stuck. All I can do is think about tomorrow, Wednesday, and hope things will be easier. That is the only option I have.
Modern Hope 
Josh,
When I heard from my mom tonight that you were in Copenhagen at this important time, I felt relieved. I thought to myself, “Oh good, Josh is there. He’s a smart guy and the one I’d choose to represent me at something like this.” I’m glad you’re there, using your kind, well though out words to communicate with people around the world.
Reading this post tonight I think that you have finally reached the point all of the ‘leaders’ at the conference are at; the point where they need to do something, but doing nothing is much easier than trying to make everyone happy.
I hope that you re-gain your hope for the conference and for all that it can accomplish; I hope that you are able to see some actual good come out of the conference and that you are able to be a part of the group that helps to initiate change.
Because Josh, your knowledge and drive can help to ignite a flame in people; a flame that they never knew they had. A flame that can give them the confidence to share their passion with others and to change the world. Even if it only happens one person at a time. I realize that I sound cliche, but sometimes we forget the meaning in these wise thoughts.
Don’t forget to have fun and to seize the day.
Also don’t forget you STILL owe me ice cream.
I’m serious.
-Christine
Christine Evansq
December 17, 2009 at 6:33 am
Josh, I knew you were destined for great things, just didn’t think you’d be so far along this soon. Change is slow, often discouragingly slow, especially with so much at stake. But, Christmas is coming! So, have cheer.
Jo Johnson
December 19, 2009 at 6:50 pm